It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
