Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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