New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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