he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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