We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
