his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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