Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
