I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
