She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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