It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
