We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I have post one night stand depression
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
