I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
