Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
