Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
