there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
