good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
