She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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