Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
