So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize