Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
