There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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