I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just had sex bonerless
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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