kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
