It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
