she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
