so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
