I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize