u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
