I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize