Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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