How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
