I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So much rum. So many feels.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
