I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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