It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
