he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
