During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
