im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
