Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Did I show you my penis last night?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
