every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
