She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
