sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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