There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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