that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
