Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
