People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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