I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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