That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
