Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Gay?
German.
Pity.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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