direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
