I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
