Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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