How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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