My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
