all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
