oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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