3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
