I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
