Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
