you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
