So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
