You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
