For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
