dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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