3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
