Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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