His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
