Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
