THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
