fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
