I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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