the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
