I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
