NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
