Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
