He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
