He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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